Last week I talked a little about letting go of expectations. It was mainly the physical craziness of having a new baby. Trying to keep up with food and cleaning, making sure to allow myself time to rest and not being hard on myself if I haven’t made yogurt or bread for the week.
As I was thinking more about it, I realized that letting go of expectations can be much more philosophical as well.
I am very much a “crunchy” parent. I love to clean with vinegar and baking soda, I do not like chemicals in my house, I try to make the most “natural” decisions as possible.
Sometimes the choices you make are not because you want to make those choices, but because you have to make those choices.
When I was pregnant with my oldest, I realized that I wanted a natural birth. I was not going to have medicine, I went the hypnobirthing route, and I was happy about it. Of course, I should have realized that nothing seems to go exactly as planned, and after being in active labor for a couple days (yes days), my Dr. and I decided on a caesarean. This was not at all what I wanted.
However, after I had the caesarean, I still had a beautiful baby girl that I was and am totally in love with.
For me, the reason natural labor wasn’t working was because I had been in a car accident when I was younger at which time I broke my pelvis/hips/tail bone; with the pelvic issues, I was not going to be able to naturally deliver a baby. So it was actually by God’s grace that I was unable to “progress” as much as I needed to, we could have had a very large emergency on our hands.
Why am I telling you this? Well, the biggest reason is to empower you to let things come as they may.
Was it difficult to end up having a C-section after I had spent so much time centering myself on a natural birth? Absolutely. Does it mean that I failed as a mother? Absolutely not.
I think that we need to give ourselves grace in these situations. Now, I am not saying that every person out there should have a C-section; that is a little ridiculous, especially with the risks involved – it is major surgery after all. However, if you end up having one, I think that you should concentrate on the fact that you have a new baby, and enjoy that.
We, as mamas, have a tendency to want everything to go the “right” way, and when it doesn’t, we seem to beat ourselves up, and try and do better the next time. I think that can get in the way of what is truly important. That we have been given these precious little people to care for and nurture and raise into adulthood.
Just as we do not want others expectations of our lives to impact our family, we have to be aware of our own expectations, and letting them go once in a while for the betterment of our families.
Is there an expectation that you place on yourself with regards to parenting or family that you need to let go of?